chris vs. the arctic

chris: 72 // the arctic: 47

My Golden Talent

I have come to the realization that I have an amazing talent. No, it doesn't involve juggling flaming batons, wrestling a grizzly bear, or doing long division. (Although you should step aside when I tackle an algebra problem!) No, my friend, my special talent is much more subtle and obscure:

I have the uncanny ability to select the most expensive item from an array of seemingly equal choices, without fail.

You can present me with, for example, five neckties, and without looking at the labels or touching them, I will choose the one priced at $500 -- bypassing the $60, $35, $22, and $5 choices completely. (I hear some guys saying, "$500?? Impossible!" Possible. Have you ever walked into Louis Vuitton?)

Amazing, isn't it? It explains so much. My closet and bank account are tangible evidence of all of this.

Just last night, I unwittingly completed one of my "To Do In Japan" items, again. At the local rotating sushi joint, I managed to order the 'gold plate' tuna at ¥700 a piece! In case my incredulity doesn't shine through, that's the most expensive plate at the restaurant. Perhaps it's the only ¥700 item on the menu. What makes this even more incredible is that I managed to choose it from a plastic menu (sans prices) picturing over 36 different sushi types! There was no indication that this one dish was well above the ¥180 average price per plate!

When the gold plate arrived at my table, I knew instantly that my gift had worked its magic. This thought alone is what saved me from freaking out and yelling at the sushi guys for serving me two small slices of stupidly expensive and bland-tasting raw tuna. You just know they laughed at me when I left.

So I guess the question now is, "of what use is this talent?" Is there some sort of career out there requiring people to choose the most expensive item daily? If there is, I'm sure the title would include the word connoisseur or aesthete. Actually, it's more likely to include the word dispossessed or vagrant...
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On May 12, 2006, Blogger mystery meat said:

can you find me the most expensive plane ticket home for me since my school board is paying for it? that would put your powers to good use i think.    



On May 14, 2006, Blogger OSB said:

You can work for Halliburton! Or Enron! Or the US Government (Phuck Yeah!)!    



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