chris vs. the arctic

chris: 72 // the arctic: 47

Collisions with Japanese People

Last night, a bunch of us gathered at Up Tight in Takaoka for the second pub quiz night. My team, "Back of the Bus", rocked it. Rocked the last place... It's okay, Emily, Richard, and Lucy! We had a good showing. Damn that Art round! Oh, and damn those Sports, Literature, Japan, and Geography rounds!

Me and Lucy at Pub QuizRichard and Emily at Pub Quiz

It was one of my "not-going-to-drink" nights... So as I was buying my third beer at the bar, I had a little 'run-in.' I moseyed up to the bar, found a space between the people, ordered my beer, and sat back for the wait. I turned my head to scope the scene and quickly realised why there was a space at the bar... Three heavily drunken Japanese dudes were perched on their seats, barely conscious, and giving me wide, stupid grins. One of them opened his mouth and said something to the effect of "Per chance, kind sir, are you from the land of America?" Okay, it was more like, "Hey foreigner, you American?" I smiled my best fake smile and said, "No. I'm Canadian. Are you from Japan?" I love saying that, because it throws them off a little.

Instead of the usual laughter and general enjoyment of the language barrier, the guy decided to take a different course. He widened his grin, reached down to my crotch palm-up, and flicked my package twice! "Okii! (Big!)", he says to my face.

I'm so taken aback by these developments that I just stand there with my beer and stare at him.

Confusing my shock with amusement, the guy does it again!

This time, I say, "Nice, buddy. All right. Look at what you made me do." I then smashed my glass on the bar and jammed the shards in his thighs. As he bent over in pain, I kneed him in the face and buried my fist in his gut. The other dudes were so frightened that they threw their wallets at me and stumbled out of the bar as quick as they could. Everyone in the bar broke out in applause and I basked in my glory.

Aaaand, scene.

After he did it the second time, I turned and walked away. What was I suppose to do? The guy was so drunk that he was about to pass out, and he speaks a different language. Plus, I know that Japanese male culture is much different from Western male culture. Much, much different. I think it stems from the fact that nobody is scared of being called "gay" in Japan, because the concept doesn't officially exist. Could you imagine what would happen if that guy tried to pull a stunt like that in the States or the UK?? Oh well.

The title of the post is Collisions with Japanese People. Ah, lucky you! Another story...

This morning, I woke up much more hungover than I should have been. After three international phone calls (Canada x2 and New Zealand -- ooo, fancy), I finally got my lazy ass to the gym. My bicycling route there goes over the bridge between Imizu and Takaoka. Since I was feeling particularly reflective (or something) today, I gazed down at the river to the side as I crossed the bridge. I noticed the green flowing water, the snow-capped mountains in the distance, the birds gathering on the shore, the old Japanese woman in my path one second too late... Yes.

BAAAAM!! Both our bicycles tumbled to the ground, and her groceries flew into the air and scattered all over the bridge. Damn damn damn. I couldn't even react. After 5 minutes (or 5 seconds), I got off my bike, perfusely apologised in Japanese, and picked up her stuff. After I made sure everything was all right, I got back on my bike. The old lady turns to me, opens her toothless mouth, and starts going on a rant in Japanese. I could not understand one word of it, but I could guess what she was saying. I'd be pissed too. Really pissed.

For some odd reason, I decided that saying this before I took off again was a good idea: "Hey, when you get some teeth, give me a call."

Why would I say that??? Man, living in a non-English-speaking country makes you say the weirdest things, just because you know nobody knows what you're saying! I have the mouth of sailor at the moment; I swear way too much. Before I move back to Canada, I'm going to have to start practicing using sentences without expletives. F*ck, it's going to be hard.
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On March 12, 2006, Blogger ambamarie said:

please tell me someone has a photo of that on Friday night.

hope you have better interactions with japanese people this week!

less than 2 weeks....    

On March 12, 2006, Blogger Brad said:

I've gotten the package flick before. What's the deal with that? A little wierd, am I right?

Hilarious entry, by the way.    

On March 13, 2006, Blogger OSB said:

I got a picture of someone else flicking someone else package:

Click HERE to see it    

On March 13, 2006, Anonymous Justus said:

It's amazing what I will say outloud now that I dared not even think back home for fear that someone would read my expression and know my thoughts.

"Look, I'm going to rip you to shreds and you don't even have the mental capacity to understand my meaning, nevermind the fact that we don't speak the same language and you haven't a lick of English. I'm leaving now."

>_> One of my more...interesting days.

We'll just pretend that we're simply being assertive...because that sounds much better than the alternative labels we could select for ourselves at this point.


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